Men Connecting

Live with confidence, masculinity and real connection through communication!

Part 1 (next month Part 2- Women Connecting)

Over the ages, many men have been taught to shut off their emotions with beliefs and ways of dealing with difficult situations such as; “boys don’t cry”, “forget about it”, “you’ll be right mate” or “just have another drink” – How effective has this been?

How much of our behaviour is a result of ‘nature’ and how much is ‘nurture’ (taught beliefs and behaviour)?  There have been many studies with plenty of scientific evidence to explain gender differences, however my experience as a professional personal coach is that nurture has a huge impact on the way both women and men interact as a whole.

You would be surprised that studies reveal that men and women are more alike than different, in their desire for love and connection with others.  Communication and expression has more to do with upbringing and social conditioning, than gender or hormones – these unique aspects of our makeup influence us, yet are not the defining factors.

There are men who are poor communicators, as there are women.  There are women who are high-level communicators, as there are men.  There are also women who are withdrawn and inexpressive as there are men.  However, for the purpose of this article, I am relating to a common theme – of men who find it difficult to really connect and express themselves, in a healthy and constructive way.  Being over emotional and dramatic is one challenge (often for women), on the flip side, being unemotional and shut off is another.  Finding a happy medium is the key!  (Next month I will explore women and their ways of communicating)

Books that claim men and women are from different planets, sends an unhealthy message, which only further polarises and separates the sexes.  In general, the men I coach are often looking for fulfilment on a personal and professional level, which are interlinked in life.   Almost everyone wants love, to share and to express themselves (intimacy).  Most crave it, yet many haven’t achieved it, due to a lack of connection with oneself, poor emotional awareness and ‘know how’.

There are many men out there, who want to connect with their partner, yet fear that connecting, sharing and expressing themselves is an act of weakness or not masculine – this is a learned belief and inaccurate.

To show vulnerability is in fact an act of strength!  If only men felt more comfortable and confident to express themselves and share, and/or ask for help, without feeling judged or seen as “weak”.  It is high time men are encouraged to communicate openly and expose their inner feelings, which allows you to connect with others and is normal.  You are never too young or too old to start!

Taking the time to learn how to connect with yourself and others can hugely influence the fulfilment you experience and the quality of your life. 

Here are some points to get you thinking…
1)     You are human (not a robot) and experience an array of emotions, which is normal and is healthy to talk about.
2)     Men are often expected to cope on their own! Talking to friends can be comforting, however not always conducive to being helpful.  Seeking professional support is an effective way to get the ball rolling. 
3)     Don’t let outdated social beliefs, the fear of rejection and being self-conscious stand in your way of having connected and fulfilling relationships.
4)     Learning how to speak and express yourself in a way that is authentic, heartfelt and honest, creates real intimacy and understanding on many levels.

If you would like to enhance your relationships, then I encourage you to be open and bold and explore new ways to show up in the world – to be free to speak from the heart and truly experience the world of real connection.  You might surprise yourself for the better!

Written by Nadine Piat-Niski 

Balanced Magazine – September 2009

 Nadine is the founder of Calibrate Coaching, a Writer, Speaker and Professional Personal Coach, specialising in Life Balance, Wellness, Depression, Anxiety and Stress.   Live with increased Energy, Balance & Joy!   
Call for more information or book in for a free telephone consultation  
M:  0408 50 11 60   W:  www.calibratecoaching.com

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Move Forward with Self-Care

Move forward with self-care_Balanced_IMAGEAug09Only when you take the time to CONNECT with YOU will all the key areas of your life have the chance to prosper.

Who doesn’t feel like their lives are moving faster; that their days all roll into one with little time to sit, relax and enjoy?  When you have less time for yourself, it can soon have a detrimental influence and effect not only on your health, your work, but on the people you love.  It is important to integrate some self-care for more enjoyment at work, with family, and friends with increased health, vitality and fun!

Having a clear distinction between self-care, selfish and selfless is paramount for a healthy balanced and conscious existence. Distinguishing between self-care, selfish and selfless can at times be a fine line.  When you are real about your intentions around the choices you make, you can then clearly define and recognize the differences and ways to live with more success on every level.

What is ‘selfish’?
Selfish acts are often fuelled by a somewhat narcissistic “me first” attitude without caring about others.  Selfish can be referred to as the lowest level of self-care. For example; if you value connection through communication, sharing, warmth, understanding and compassion, and in turn act in a way which shows very little regard for the people around you, then it’s highly likely a selfish attitude is present.  If you choose to dishonour your value of connection then the opposite happens and all of a sudden there is disconnection in your life.  As a result we are out of integrity and may wonder why we feel so alone and lacking the connection we seek.

What is ‘selfless’?
Selflessness is to give, give, give and give!  A selfless person often puts others needs and wants ahead of their own.  People who are super giving often end up exhausted, fatigued, with little time for themselves.  The word ‘NO’ is rarely used and there is normally a lot of guilt and fear associated with saying ‘no’.  They place a lot of their personal value on ‘giving’ with very little receiving.  Often being ‘good’ is more important than being realistic and looking after one’s self.

What is ‘self-care’ ?
Self-care is making decisions in your life that supports what is important to you and your overall life vision.  Without knowing what you need and value makes it hard to make decisions that creates more happiness and enjoyment.  Self-care can be seen as selfish to some, or extremely generous and kind (selfless), depending on which need or value you are satisfying.  Self-care involves taking others into consideration, treating colleagues, co-workers, family and friends, etc. with respect, however it is only natural in life that you cannot make everyone happy all the time.  There comes a time when self-preservation is the only way.  Conscious discernment is crucial!

What does this all mean?
You now have an idea of what each kind of behavior looks like.  Where do you spend most of your time?  Are you selfless, selfish or honouring yourself and the important areas of your life with self-care?  Getting a good hold on this, and then making progressive changes in your life may be the difference between living with energy, joy and balance vs struggling with exhaustion and dissatisfaction!

I can’t stress enough how important it is to live in a way that supports the essence of you.  As a personal coach, time and time again this is where most of my clients get stuck in the workplace and at home.

Where do I start?
Getting to know yourself and being honest is a great place to start…
1)  Are you happy? 
2)  Is your life the way you imagined it? 
3)  Do you enjoy your life as a whole? 
4)  Do you feel fulfilled and connected to life?
5)  Do you feel in harmony or are you battling? 
6)  What are your core needs, and are they being met? 
7)  What are your core values, and do you live by them? 
8)  Have you created some personal and/or business boundaries? 
9)  Have you put in place positive goals, and are you achieving what you  set out to achieve?
10)  Are you living YOUR ideal life or a ‘should’ life – someone else’s idea of  how you should live?
11)  How are your energy levels? If you are fatigued, stressed and lacking  enthusiasm there is normally something out of balance or out of integrity.

Daily we are presented with multiple choices to be made – Do I go for a walk or stay in bed and extra 45 minutes, at lunch do I take some time out or do I stay in the office and chat with my colleagues, do I make an effort to spend time with my children or do I get caught up doing other ‘stuff’’?  What choices are you making daily that creates self-care and enhances your life?

Action + Integrity + Grace = Self-care

When you act with self-care you have clarity around your choices.  You act with personal power, you are mindful and graceful, and know how to express yourself in a way that builds a strong relationship with yourself and others.

CONNECT with YOU!

Written by Nadine Piat-Niski

Published in Balanced Magazine, August 2009

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Get it Together – Life Balance

Create some work/life balance to maximize your quality of life.

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Of late it seems as though the term ‘work/life balance’ has been used loosely and somewhat to excess. Everyone is talking about it… the question is what are you actively doing to achieve it, and how many of you are successfully living a balanced healthy life full of energy and a zest for living?

It’s really important not to compare yourself to others, the trick is be honest with YOU and to create a life that runs at the perfect pace for your ideal lifestyle. It is very hard to create life balance when you are not sure of what you are striving for. What are the most important areas of your life that are in need of attention – family, social life, community, study, personal development, finances, health, other interests?

Building self-awareness is the first step to making life-balancing choices. It starts with your needs and values for personal success. If you take a moment to step outside the overwhelm of our fast paced lifestyle you will most likely see that there is room for improvement. How important is the need for change, for balance, for more energy, for laughter, for quality time with special people, for more productive working strategies? How long can you keep going the way you are?

Here are some tips to get you started:

1. Look at your week and write down absolutely everything you do with your time – at work, home, social, phone calls, TV, internet, procrastinating, etc.
2. What do you absolutely need in your life to be your best? Eg. Calmness, consistency, commitment, clarity, affection, to achieve, etc.
3. What are your core values, and how do you honour these values? Eg. Connection, health, adventure, spirituality, knowledge, passion, ethics, integrity, awareness, family, humour, etc.
4. Stop long enough to really think and write down what ‘balance’ looks like to you.
5. Look back over the week and identify where you are wasting time, the areas that are not enhancing your life nor adding real value? Be honest!
6. Use your needs and values as a reference point for your decision-making.
7. Start with a vision and then break it down into small doable steps. Just add or delete something new each week… schedule it into the diary otherwise change is unlikely.
8. Prioritise, learn to say ‘NO’, create boundaries, get organized!
9. Stop thinking and talking about it and make it happen!
10. If overwhelmed and stuck and wanting to make changes sooner rather than later then I advise seeking some professional support – find a personal coach or mentor to assist you on your path.

Self-awareness + priorities + active self-care = progressive life balance

As a Personal Coach I am very passionate about conscious living – if you are not sure why you do what you do, and what is and is not working for you, then how on earth can you be in tune, balanced and connected with you and the people around you?

There is no foolproof way to have life balance 24/7 – however if you have life balance in place most of the time you’re on the right path of living with integrity, self-honour, more joy and increased energy.

The happiest people are those that have their careers in balance with all of the other areas of their life!

Take the step to get it together! Create your ideal reality!

Written by Nadine Piat-Niski of Calibrate Coaching

Nadine is a Personal Coach specialising in Life Balance & Wellness. Available for one-on-one coaching at two locations – Sowelu, Paddington and Revive, Brisbane City. Alternatively telephone coaching available worldwide. Please contact Nadine for a free/no obligation consultation.

M: 0408 50 11 60 W: www.calibratecoaching.com

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Get the Right Attitude!

In times of stress and uncertainty your attitude shall have a huge influence as to whether you sink or swim…

scan00171Sometimes it is easier said than done, however a positive and optimistic attitude can make the journey of life a whole lot easier.  The glass half full or empty sounds like a cliché, yet there is much to be said for how we interpret situations.  The way we view others, the world and ourselves hugely influences and governs our day-to-day enjoyment and personal success.  Do you feel as though you are on a battlefield or learning to ride the waves of life with increased ease, motivation and confidence?

You are either a person who looks for the positives in most situations, or looks out for negatives and reasons to be unhappy.  A negative attitude is exhausting and robs you of your health, real joy and the beauty of living!  Your ‘attitude’ is often heavily conditioned from childhood– the good news is that this aspect of you can be reconditioned toward a more positive optimistic self.  Take responsibility of YOU!

If you want more out of your life then maybe it’s time to tweak your views, beliefs and general outlook. It starts with a willing, determined ATTITUDE for more personal fulfilment!  A positive attitude can assist you to get motivated and greatly improve your health and vitality.  Improve all of the key areas of your life with a positive unshakeable YOU!

It does not matter whether something difficult or challenging has/ or is happening in your personal or work life, it’s all interrelated!  You can start today to begin looking for the good in your life. There are possibly some aspects of your current life that need to change, and may take some time to do so, however the way you view your circumstances can change the situation for the better, today!

Firstly, you need to build awareness – without awareness there is nothing to change because you can’t see it.  Open your eyes and have a good look around you…

Following are some questions to get you thinking:

a)    Are you generally happy or unhappy with your work, relationships, health, family, friends, etc?
b)    Do you think that the world is abundant or scarce?
c)    Do you attract unpleasant or good things into your life?
d)    Do you see positive learning’s amongst challenging times?
e)    Are your senses alert and receptive to opportunity and growth?
f)     Are you often anxious and stressed or mostly at peace with life?
g)    Do you feel flat and tired or energised?
h)    Is your attitude bringing you down or lifting you up?
i)     Do you often catch yourself frowning or do you have a lovely sparkle in your eye?

Developing and maintaining a positive attitude is absolutely achievable!  If you are motivated to have a spring in your stride, a smile on your face and peace in your heart then commit to improving your attitude – enjoy the journey and learn from your experiences. That’s an attitude in itself!

Some tips to create a positive attitude:

1.     Daily Gratitude Journal – I am grateful for; my life, body, friends, food, sunshine, rain, my bed, smile from a stranger, etc.

2.     Daily Achievement Log – Today I completed xyz, got up early to exercise, I managed to laugh more, I chose to relax, etc.

3.     Listen to your internal dialogue – Thoughts influence your emotions and attitude.  Negative internal self-talk can often go under the radar – start listening to your thoughts and write them down.  Awareness brings them to the forefront then allowing you to do something about it.

4.     Communication is a very powerful tool.  Poor communication often leads to miscommunication, frustration, hurt, and anxiety. Learn to express yourself with ease, clarity, honesty and grace.

5.     Fun Activities & Humour– Write a list of activities that make you feel good in a healthy way, then do it!  Funny movies, read some jokes, be silly, dance, swing in the park…

6.     Seek support – If you are struggling then I recommend some professional assistance to learn tools and strategies for improvement.

What are you waiting for?  What you seek you shall find – begin to look for and see the positive in your life, you will then attract more of the same!

Rain, hail or shine, there is plenty to be happy and joyful about!

Written by Nadine Piat-Niski

Nadine is the founder of Calibrate Coaching, a Writer, Speaker and Professional Personal Coach, specialising in Live Balance & Wellness.   Live with increased Energy, Balance & Joy! 

Call for a free telephone consultation   M:  0408 50 11 60    W:  www.calibratecoaching.com

Published in Balanced Magazine May 2009

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How Healthy Are Your Relationships?

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Relationships are amazing beautiful gems in life! Strong relationships that stand the test of time are those sprinkled with the beauty of acceptance, love, honesty, respect, support, communication, kindness, humility and other common values, plus lots more goodies. It does not matter what kind of relationship, whether it be family, friend, partner or colleague, all long term healthy relationships share a similar glue for ease, enjoyment and success!

What does a healthy relationship look like? Do your relationships have common threads to keep it together? It’s pretty simple really, you are either generally happy in your relationships day to day or you are not! I can’t say enough about the importance of complimentary values for success in all areas of your life. Many people don’t live by their values and this is how they come unstuck.

Most importantly, if you are wanting healthy, loving and connected relationships it starts with YOU! You need to be emotionally developed to have healthy relationships. When you work on yourself and get a better appreciation of who you are, you can then communicate more effectively, understand your emotions and intentions, and know what kind of relationships support the essence of who you are.

If you are spending time with someone who has an undesirable effect on you then look at it with honest open eyes – how is this serving you? Like attracts like – I can guarantee you that if you are in a relationship that is giving you grief, there is something within you that it is feeding. You need to work out what that is! If you value honestly and warm connection, and your partner often tells fibs and is hot and cold and unable to connect properly, then how is that supporting your values and needs? Are you being honest with yourself and connecting to you? Are you in or out of integrity with yourself?

Here are some exercises to raise your awareness and consciousness:

Step 1) Write down your top 10 values and then number them in order of priority. Knowing what is important to you is the key to honouring yourself and to personal success.

Step 2) Write down what a healthy relationship means to you – How do you interact, relate, feel, communicate, etc?

Step 3)  Select 3 to 5 people in your life and ask yourself the following questions:
a) Do I have overlapping values with this person?
b) Do I feel mostly happy when I spend time with this person?
c) Do I feel energised or drained by this connection?
d) Do we laugh and share common interests?
e) Does this relationship bring out the best in me?
f) Do I have an agenda? Am I hoping to gain something from this relationship? Is it emotionally healthy?
g) Is this relationship worth me putting more effort into it?

What kind of key relationships do you have and would you like in your life? There is nothing wrong with admitting that maybe the way you function or communicate is not the best or conducive to healthy relationships or a healthy you! To admit that there are areas of your life that need some work is a great place to start – that is where truth, honesty and humility can help get the ball rolling.

My coaching practice is based on “consciousness” – assisting my clients to be real, open and honest about their true desires, needs, values, goals and life vision. By addressing limiting beliefs, conditioning and self- saboteurs that stand in your way of success, you can create a healthier more enjoyable reality. Through continuous support, action and accountability you can not only build a relationship with yourself, you will also be able to build strong relationships with others.
Take the time to develop a strong personal foundation so that all the special relationships in your life can prosper beautifully.

Live with more clarity, love, connection and pleasure!

Written by Nadine Piat-Niski

Nadine is the founder of Calibrate Coaching, a Writer, Speaker and Professional Personal Coach, specialising in Live Balance & Wellness. Live with increased Energy, Balance & Joy!
Call for a free telephone consultation   M: 0408 50 11 60   W: www.calibratecoaching.com

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City News

City News Editorial/Profile – 14 May 2009

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Fitness First – Competition

As seen in Fitness First Magazine May/June 2009

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City South News – Help to put life back into balance

http://city-south-news.whereilive.com.au/lifestyle/story/help-to-put-life-back-in-balance/

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Get Real

stylejangetreal_grabCalibrate Coaching’s Nadine Piat-Niski shows you how to create real goals with heart and soul for personal success.

Have you ever wondered why we achieve some of our goals while others drop away?  Unrealised goals usually lack heart and soul. Goals in alignment with your unique core values are met with real commitment, clear focus and true passion.

Forget New Year’s resolutions or waiting until your next birthday to live your best life. Take the initiative to create or change your current life in order to have more fulfillment and vitality.   Whether you want to change jobs, get fit, lose weight, move house, build confidence, increase energy, improve relationships or simply have more fun, creating goals is all about your intentions – what is driving you and what is the desired outcome?

Build self-awareness around your goals for success with these key points:

1. Recognise your core values then create goals that honour these values. Goals need to have a strong foundation for success.
2. Is this your personal goal or a ‘should’ i.e. is it someone else’s idea of what you should do or your own heart-driven goal?
3. Get serious or it just won’t happen!
4. What is stopping you?  Address self-saboteurs stopping you from moving forward.
5. Are these goals realistic and attainable? Stretch yourself and aim high but some discernment is necessary for attainability.
6. Create a strategic breakdown of your goals within a timeframe for success.
7. Be aware and be prepared for challenges –is there enough drive behind the goal for continuous progress?
8. Create an objective support system. Use a coach, mentor or partner to keep you on track, accountable, and help you overcome obstacles.
9. Stick with it!  Do it, live it, create it!

How many of your pending goals have the gusto behind them to come to fruition? Get real and honest about what you are really trying to achieve. You can reach your potential and beyond when you really put your mind to it. Real goals = Real progress!

Calibrate Coaching specializes in work/life balance and wellness.

p 0408 501 160 www.calibratecoaching.com

Jan 2009  Style Magazines – Brisbane North edition

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Everyday Tips

Some of Nadine’s key daily tips:

  1. Listen to your body (it speaks much louder than we realise, and tells us many things)
  2. Learn from your mistakes, then live this learning.
  3. Become clear about your Values - they are your guiding compass and shall make your life journey much easier once identified and honoured.
  4. Breathe - take the time to consciously notice your breath, it can heal & assist you in so many ways.
  5. Focus, Focus, Focus - Get on track with Clarity and Clear Focus.  Without laser like focus we tend to go around in circles.  Clarity and focus lights up the path to your personal goals and ultimate vision.  Find your focus!
  6. Humour - When appropriate (more often than not) look for the humour in situations, even during tough times.  Laughter, fun, humour is great for the spirit and your health.  NOTE: Be careful not to use humour as an avoidance tactic.

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