Live with understanding, femininity and real connection through communication!
Part 2 (following on from last month, Part 1- Men Connecting)
I often hear women say that their partners aren’t expressive, and that they are having trouble communicating and connecting with the special man in their life. This may be very true, and yes, men can be inexpressive and not as communicative as women would like, however how much do women add fuel to the fire?
Our behaviour and attitude towards communication is largely influenced by our upbringing and social conditioning, therefore our beliefs, attitude and behaviour is largely due to nurture versus nature.
Women have a tendency to be ‘emotional’, and are known as the emotional gender. What does this mean? When someone regularly experiences high levels of emotion, normally this is indicative of the person not really understanding their feelings and what they mean. It all gets jumbled up into a mixed bag of emotion and then we label ourselves ‘emotional’. When we feel this way it is very hard to communicate with the people around us what we need or what the root of the problem is, because often we don’t know or understand ourselves. The source of the problem gets lost with little resolution! There may be lots of words spoken, tears and frustration, yet nothing clear to work with.
If both genders want to connect with each other, then we both need to take a really good look at ourselves. It is okay to be different, we do not need to be the same, yet if we are to fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, different yet connected, then both parties need to learn to understand themselves and their individual emotions before they can communicate with clarity in a productive way with their partner. What works with your friends, colleagues or family may not be conducive in a personal relationship. There is plenty of scope for both men and women to learn and grow to connect more effectively.
Women need to understand that when they express their tidal wave of emotion, it can be very overwhelming for their partner and themselves. Often men further retreat because they do not know what to say or do. Everyone ends up more confused! So what is connection, what is love, what is communication, what is support? Take some time to connect with yourself first! Get to know YOU on a deeper level! Every relationship you have starts with the relationship you have with yourself!
If you are feeling upset, frustrated, angry, confused, unappreciated, etc., ask yourself. 1) What must I believe to feel this way? 2) What is at the core of these feelings I am having? 3) What am I hoping to achieve by talking about this? (get clear, rather than talk in circles)
Although I have focused on the two extremes of the genders, there are certainly plenty of men and women who are in tune with themselves and know how to connect and communicate with ease and grace. From my experience and research our behaviour and attitudes are a product of socialisation and family and cultural influence more than. Dr. Erina MacGeorge through her extensive research has found that there is only a 2% difference in our communication styles. “Men and women use, and strongly prefer, the same ways of comforting others – listening, sympathizing and giving thoughtful advice.” Who would have thought that we do actually come from the same planet!
It’s time to abolish old conditioning and beliefs and learn new skills to create your own personal operating system. Men and women both have the right to be expressive, warm, vulnerable, to share feelings and be heard. Clearly, being closed and shutting of emotion is just as detrimental to your emotional health as being over emotional and overwhelmed. Each end of the spectrum is not healthy for anyone. You can be vulnerable and strong at the same time, vulnerability is a strength! You can share your feelings and express emotion with clarity without the dramatics.
In summary, regardless of your gender, get out there and find out what is going on inside of you, so that you can enhance, develop and create fabulous personal and professional relationships! Take yourself to another level.
Maybe we are not so different after all!
Written by Nadine Piat-Niski
Balanced Magazine – October 2009
Nadine is the founder of Calibrate Coaching, a Writer, Speaker and Professional Personal Coach, specialising in Life Balance, Wellness, Depression, Anxiety and Stress. Live with increased Energy, Balance & Joy!
Call for more information or book in for a free telephone consultation
M: 0408 50 11 60 W: www.calibratecoaching.com
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