Men Connecting

Live with confidence, masculinity and real connection through communication!

Part 1 (next month Part 2- Women Connecting)

Over the ages, many men have been taught to shut off their emotions with beliefs and ways of dealing with difficult situations such as; “boys don’t cry”, “forget about it”, “you’ll be right mate” or “just have another drink” – How effective has this been?

How much of our behaviour is a result of ‘nature’ and how much is ‘nurture’ (taught beliefs and behaviour)?  There have been many studies with plenty of scientific evidence to explain gender differences, however my experience as a professional personal coach is that nurture has a huge impact on the way both women and men interact as a whole.

You would be surprised that studies reveal that men and women are more alike than different, in their desire for love and connection with others.  Communication and expression has more to do with upbringing and social conditioning, than gender or hormones – these unique aspects of our makeup influence us, yet are not the defining factors.

There are men who are poor communicators, as there are women.  There are women who are high-level communicators, as there are men.  There are also women who are withdrawn and inexpressive as there are men.  However, for the purpose of this article, I am relating to a common theme – of men who find it difficult to really connect and express themselves, in a healthy and constructive way.  Being over emotional and dramatic is one challenge (often for women), on the flip side, being unemotional and shut off is another.  Finding a happy medium is the key!  (Next month I will explore women and their ways of communicating)

Books that claim men and women are from different planets, sends an unhealthy message, which only further polarises and separates the sexes.  In general, the men I coach are often looking for fulfilment on a personal and professional level, which are interlinked in life.   Almost everyone wants love, to share and to express themselves (intimacy).  Most crave it, yet many haven’t achieved it, due to a lack of connection with oneself, poor emotional awareness and ‘know how’.

There are many men out there, who want to connect with their partner, yet fear that connecting, sharing and expressing themselves is an act of weakness or not masculine – this is a learned belief and inaccurate.

To show vulnerability is in fact an act of strength!  If only men felt more comfortable and confident to express themselves and share, and/or ask for help, without feeling judged or seen as “weak”.  It is high time men are encouraged to communicate openly and expose their inner feelings, which allows you to connect with others and is normal.  You are never too young or too old to start!

Taking the time to learn how to connect with yourself and others can hugely influence the fulfilment you experience and the quality of your life. 

Here are some points to get you thinking…
1)     You are human (not a robot) and experience an array of emotions, which is normal and is healthy to talk about.
2)     Men are often expected to cope on their own! Talking to friends can be comforting, however not always conducive to being helpful.  Seeking professional support is an effective way to get the ball rolling. 
3)     Don’t let outdated social beliefs, the fear of rejection and being self-conscious stand in your way of having connected and fulfilling relationships.
4)     Learning how to speak and express yourself in a way that is authentic, heartfelt and honest, creates real intimacy and understanding on many levels.

If you would like to enhance your relationships, then I encourage you to be open and bold and explore new ways to show up in the world – to be free to speak from the heart and truly experience the world of real connection.  You might surprise yourself for the better!

Written by Nadine Piat-Niski 

Balanced Magazine – September 2009

 Nadine is the founder of Calibrate Coaching, a Writer, Speaker and Professional Personal Coach, specialising in Life Balance, Wellness, Depression, Anxiety and Stress.   Live with increased Energy, Balance & Joy!   
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