Only when you take the time to CONNECT with YOU will all the key areas of your life have the chance to prosper.
Who doesn’t feel like their lives are moving faster; that their days all roll into one with little time to sit, relax and enjoy? When you have less time for yourself, it can soon have a detrimental influence and effect not only on your health, your work, but on the people you love. It is important to integrate some self-care for more enjoyment at work, with family, and friends with increased health, vitality and fun!
Having a clear distinction between self-care, selfish and selfless is paramount for a healthy balanced and conscious existence. Distinguishing between self-care, selfish and selfless can at times be a fine line. When you are real about your intentions around the choices you make, you can then clearly define and recognize the differences and ways to live with more success on every level.
What is ‘selfish’?
Selfish acts are often fuelled by a somewhat narcissistic “me first” attitude without caring about others. Selfish can be referred to as the lowest level of self-care. For example; if you value connection through communication, sharing, warmth, understanding and compassion, and in turn act in a way which shows very little regard for the people around you, then it’s highly likely a selfish attitude is present. If you choose to dishonour your value of connection then the opposite happens and all of a sudden there is disconnection in your life. As a result we are out of integrity and may wonder why we feel so alone and lacking the connection we seek.
What is ‘selfless’?
Selflessness is to give, give, give and give! A selfless person often puts others needs and wants ahead of their own. People who are super giving often end up exhausted, fatigued, with little time for themselves. The word ‘NO’ is rarely used and there is normally a lot of guilt and fear associated with saying ‘no’. They place a lot of their personal value on ‘giving’ with very little receiving. Often being ‘good’ is more important than being realistic and looking after one’s self.
What is ‘self-care’ ?
Self-care is making decisions in your life that supports what is important to you and your overall life vision. Without knowing what you need and value makes it hard to make decisions that creates more happiness and enjoyment. Self-care can be seen as selfish to some, or extremely generous and kind (selfless), depending on which need or value you are satisfying. Self-care involves taking others into consideration, treating colleagues, co-workers, family and friends, etc. with respect, however it is only natural in life that you cannot make everyone happy all the time. There comes a time when self-preservation is the only way. Conscious discernment is crucial!
What does this all mean?
You now have an idea of what each kind of behavior looks like. Where do you spend most of your time? Are you selfless, selfish or honouring yourself and the important areas of your life with self-care? Getting a good hold on this, and then making progressive changes in your life may be the difference between living with energy, joy and balance vs struggling with exhaustion and dissatisfaction!
I can’t stress enough how important it is to live in a way that supports the essence of you. As a personal coach, time and time again this is where most of my clients get stuck in the workplace and at home.
Where do I start?
Getting to know yourself and being honest is a great place to start…
1) Are you happy?
2) Is your life the way you imagined it?
3) Do you enjoy your life as a whole?
4) Do you feel fulfilled and connected to life?
5) Do you feel in harmony or are you battling?
6) What are your core needs, and are they being met?
7) What are your core values, and do you live by them?
Have you created some personal and/or business boundaries?
9) Have you put in place positive goals, and are you achieving what you set out to achieve?
10) Are you living YOUR ideal life or a ‘should’ life – someone else’s idea of how you should live?
11) How are your energy levels? If you are fatigued, stressed and lacking enthusiasm there is normally something out of balance or out of integrity.
Daily we are presented with multiple choices to be made – Do I go for a walk or stay in bed and extra 45 minutes, at lunch do I take some time out or do I stay in the office and chat with my colleagues, do I make an effort to spend time with my children or do I get caught up doing other ‘stuff’’? What choices are you making daily that creates self-care and enhances your life?
Action + Integrity + Grace = Self-care
When you act with self-care you have clarity around your choices. You act with personal power, you are mindful and graceful, and know how to express yourself in a way that builds a strong relationship with yourself and others.
CONNECT with YOU!
Written by Nadine Piat-Niski
Published in Balanced Magazine, August 2009
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
The author of calibratecoaching.com has written an excellent article. You have made your point and there is not much to argue about. It is like the following universal truth that you can not argue with: Things are always on the last place you look for them. Thanks for the info.